Many seniors you will come in contact with will not be enjoying the season as much as you are
Even though it is the time of the year that we have been hard wired to anticipate and enjoy this time of year more than any other, we are surrounded by people who are having the hardest time of their year. As we age, sadly, we start losing those we love – through age, bad luck, bad health, or other, terrible circumstance, the holidays we treasure suddenly become emotionally frought, difficult times. Keep in mind that the poor attitude you get may actually be the result of serious depression during what is now the worst time of the year. It never hurts to be kind, any time of the year, but this time of year most of all, many may treasure your understanding and patience more than your cards or platitudes.
Even more difficult for many to understand as our loved ones age is that the brain ages too, and often, the frenzied pace of a hectic holiday season, as this one has been, can lead to meltdowns and hospitalizations for those who are already cognitively compromised. If you are caring for a loved one, or planning a family event that includes a parent or family member with dementia, keep the hoopla to a minimum. First, for those with more advanced dementia, a change of scenery will almost always be a bad idea. Those with more advanced dementia will develop a “safety net” in their familiar surroundings and deviations to that net will inevitably lead to increased confusion at best, aggression at worst. Those with earlier stages of dementia or mild cognitive impairment will also not thrive in a new environment with lots of activities. It would be best if traveling to make arrangements for the loved one to have a quiet room as far away from activity as possible.
Try to be a considerate host or guest when holiday events will involve your loved one with dementia
Also make sure that the loved one is not left alone to wander, as many senior alerts will arise this time of the year due to the confused person trying to find their way “home.” For parties, even just for families, schedule quiet interludes for the person to rest and nap, to make sure they are able to adjust to the different activities well. And for all, make sure you have a list of emergency numbers that include your local emergency room, a geriatric psychiatric unit (not being dramatic, you may need it) and your loved one’s physician’s on-call number. It is a good idea to consult with their physician regarding a proposed trip or visit.
If family will be visiting the person who is compromised, try to be considerate of the person as well as the caregiver. Caring for someone with dementia is often a difficult, 24 hour a day job. Throw in the holidays, and there are a lot of expectations of having a Christmas “like we had when we were kids.” This will cause a huge amount of anxiety for the caregiver which will likely transfer to the patient. Those family members visiting from out of town should, if at all possible, stay at a nearby hotel. This will give the caregiver and the compromised person a break. Try to plan for meals that would include catering or take-out, to minimize the amount of outings, which will be difficult. Even if the mentally compromised person can “get around fine”, that doesn’t mean that it is an easy outing, by any stretch of the imagination.
In short, keep your expectations realistic. Plan on shortening events, and planning lots of down-time. Try to be considerate to both patient and caregiver when visiting.
Wishing you and yours the happiest of holiday seasons and best wishes for a great new year from all of us at Aging in Alabama.
