It’s the hap-happiest season of all…but for many who are elderly and may have some dementia, and their families, it can be fraught and lead to meltdowns that can ruin the careful plans for the many festivities you planned. Just like with younger children, exposure to hours of fun can
Be mindful of your loved ones need to rest from the festivities
be detrimental as it may lead to overstimulation. At best, the frantic pace many of us endure can lead to a meltdown and at worst, it can lead to a healthcare crisis. We just aren’t all going to be able to celebrate the way we used to as we age. Here are some tips for a more meaningful holiday with your aging loved one:
- Consider writing out a schedule with times and dates for the various activities you plan to host/join
- Write out the expected duration of each activity
- For your loved one who is unable to drive themselves, add in any time traveling, or early/late departure and arrival
- If the activity is at your or a relative’s home, plan on having a quiet room with a place to rest and invite your loved one to become acquainted with the space so that they can self isolate when it becomes too much. This is especially important for all day festivities.
- Plan with your loved one how he or she might want to participate (or not), keeping any mental or physical limitations in mind. If you plan an afternoon of trivial pursuit, this might make them feel left out and confused if they aren’t up to it.
- If your loved one is not able to self regulate, limit the exposure to any one event to one hour and have a designated room for them to rest before and after, and select the most meaningful time for them to be engaged
- If your loved one is homebound, resist the urge to plan events at their home, as this will inevitably be difficult for them, even if they insist. Instead, plan short visits around times where they are most active.
- For those with dementia, early hours will often be better as “sundowning” may severely impact their cognition and ability to cope. Plan a breakfast or brunch instead of a dinner.
- Plan some safe topics to bring up if your loved one has memory issues, perhaps see if some music may be helpful rather than conversation.
- Explore memories of holidays past to see if this is a winning topic or one that will make them sad, before the big events.
- Engage in simple crafts to help them be engaged, something simple like making festive paper chains may make them feel better than complex ornament making
- Gauge their limits but don’t skip the time together, even if it is simply watching the fireplace or a holiday movie, if your loved one is in a facility or homebound, maybe a visit with one or two relatives at one time for an hour, with something good to eat and to chat, will be enough before they need to rest.
Don’t leave out your loved one in the nursing home, plan appropriate visits
